Love.

I'm really tired, and don't have enough energy to write a full post. I'll just say something, and go to sleep.

I'm 19. It's like, oh, you're older than 18, but still a teenager. Anyway

I've been praying, lately, for my relationship with God a bit more than normal. I've been praying that I would start to love the Lord like He loves me more and more each day. I dunno if that's Biblical, or even possible, but I want to love Him like He loves me. I want to agape love Him.

And when He isn't sending showers of blessing, or when He is withholding the rain, I want to love Him as much as when I'm drenched in blessing, and flooded with rains.

If anyone could enlighten me al ittle more on this, please do, but for the time being, I want to love God like He loves me.

--Pray for Spain. Pray that the Lord would raise up missionaries and native Spaniards to take the gospel to the millions of lost souls in Spain.--

I Cor:4-6

Chapter 4
We see here, quite strongly, that Paul is warning that we are, at times, not going to look “cool” to the world. That we aren’t the friends of sin, and that bad things will happen to us. (But we know that we’re blessed when men revile us).

Chapter 5
We read that we have the power of Christ, and that even a little sin can ruin an entire work. Don’t let my love of self cause me to hinder world evangelism and Vision Baptist Church.

Chapter 6
Verse 3 says that we’ll judge angels. Hmm. Interesting. And it’s to our shame if we are not wise. Also, like in Ch. 5, by doing wrong I defraud my brethren. And besides, I don’t even belong to myself. I was bought with a price, and am commanded to glorify God.

--Pray for Spain. Pray that the Lord would raise up missionaries and native Spaniards to take the gospel to the millions of lost souls in Spain.--

The choice is yours.

I remember when I first surrendered to go as a missionary. I remember how everyone told me that something like 80% of all people who surrendered to be a missionary never actually made it to the field.

(I don’t know the exact statistic, but it was a shockingly high number)

At that time I was like, well, I’m not gonna be that kid. I’m gonna be the real deal. Right now, I’m on track to be a missionary, and live a life for God. A year ago, not so much. A year ago, I was a long haired, foolish college kid. (Now I’m a short haired fool. Ha) I was in love with my sin and my flesh, and walking away from God.

Anyway.

At that time, I thought that everyone made it to the mission field, and that the people at camp (because I surrendered at camp) were just saying that to scare me.

Not so much. They were right. I can name, personally, several men, who, at one point, were men of God, loved their wives, loved the Lord, and all the right things. In fact, I can name more men who walked away from God than who still follow Him.

Now, I can name men (the same men) who left their wives, left the Lord, left the church, and joined the world. Not that they lost their salvation, assuming they ever had it, but they are heading away from the field instead of to it.

I wonder where these men went wrong. I wonder why they’ve turned and walked away. I compare these men to men who actually have made it to the field, or who have made it as a missionary. And when I say made it, I don’t mean done nothing for the Lord. I mean men who have shook the foundation of the earth, and made a difference for Christ’s kingdom.

In the end, it really comes down to one thing that separates the two: love of God more than love of self.

I noticed that the men who have walked away all walked off because they found another woman, or because they got caught up in drugs, or some sort of sin that is pleasing to the flesh, and not something the Holy Spirit approves of.

Keep in mind, I’m talking about men, not teens. Men who were married. Men who have kids. Men who have gone through, and graduated college. Men, not boys. (Rather, I should say adult males, because a man doesn’t turn from God.)

The men who have done, and are still doing something for God, have put the Lord above all, including their own desires, and are so in love with Christ that they don’t want to do anything that He wouldn’t approve of.

Those who walked away? They did what the flesh said felt good, or what the flesh wanted to do.
I don’t think I have any application or anything like that, but I can say this: following your flesh will lead you away from God. To go from a man who loves the Lord to a man who loves drugs, alcohol, other women, and all kinds of sin.

I guess, to boil this whole post into one idea, or a thesis statement, it would be this:
On the road of life, there are two choices: Good or evil, life or death, God or Sin.

And right now, and prayerfully, for the rest of my life, I want to be a man who follows good, life, and God above all other things. Above my sin, my desires, and all the things of the flesh.

--Pray for Spain. Pray that the Lord would raise up missionaries and native Spaniards to take the gospel to the millions of lost souls in Spain.--

I Cor 1-3

I did my morning Bible study in Spanish today, and because my Spanish is not as good as it should be, I read a slower pace than had I read in English.

Anyway.

Chapter 1:

Paul writes about divisions here, and basically says that they're childish, because we all serve the same God.

He also wrote about how he didn't baptize many people: a family and two other people. The reason for this, I think, is that he was too busy spreading the Word of God to stop and baptize (vs 17).

This just shows that Paul was a man of action, and that's something I strive to be.

He also mentions that small things will confound big things, and the foolish will confound the wise. Much like God choosing, at least through the world's eyes, less than average men and women to carry the Gospel. If you look at some of the most powerful people for God, you would be suprised at how "normal" they were before God got a hold of them. Just like Paul.

Chapter 2:

Paul starts off this chapter talking about how his words aren't very powerful, and Paul's preaching isn't very good. Then he says that the words the Lord speaks through him are powerful, and the message God preaches through Paul is an amazing message.

(This and Nem 8:8 are two passages I really like. I always worry about not having a "good" sermon when I preach/teach, but all I really have to do is teach the Book. I Cor 2:4: "My speech was not with enticing words...but in demonstration of the Spirit's power.)

Chapter 3:

Paul talks about another thing I often worry about. I've presented the Gospel to quite a few people, and, to be totally honest, most of them either rejected it, or laughed at me and told me to shut up.

I often put myself under immense pressure to lead people to the Lord, yet I am not told to save them. I am told to tell them, and let God grow the increase.

This was something I learned at the missions conference, but still struggle with. I'm really scared, sometimes, that I'll get to Spain, and the people there are just going to ignore me, my message, and I'll have a low number of converts. While this may happen, I still did my thing, be it watering or planting, and God loves me just as much then as He did when He died on the cross for me.

No hay nada.

I don't have much to write about today. I mean, I learned a lot at church, and God used Pastor Gardener to answer some things I had on my heart, but still, no amazing miracles happened.

It's one of those days where nothing amazing happens, but I'm still going to be dilligent, both in season, and out of season.

Also, I'm going to start blogging every day, so yeah. Not that you care.

I'm studying in I Corinthians for my devotions. I think I might start putting them up in the morning, and just something else up at night.

I dunno.

But I'm gonna have a super cool blog tomorrow.

My birthday is Saturday.

Steak & Shake.

When I wore a younger man's clothes, I would only read a chapter, or twenty verses of the Bible in an entire day. At the time, it was a good amount. I was a young Christian. I was still feeding off milk.

However, my problem, as a younger man, was that I was only feeding off of milk. I kept reading the same amount of scripture each day. I never grew. For the longest time, I was only reading a small amount. I was trying to grow, and only eat one meal a day.

I look at Micah, and I'm like "Wow, he really knows his Bible. I wish I knew as much as he does." Then I realized something; he reads and studies his Bible much more than I do. I wake up and get out of the shower, and he's studying his Bible. I'll start, and finish, my devotions, and he's still studying.

Christianity is, at least through my eyes, a lot like working out, or trying to "get into shape." The more quality work you do in it, the stronger you get.

The Bible tells us to grow from milk to meat. Milk is good for growing, but meat is better.
One chapter of the Bible has lots of information, but three have more.

The reason, I find, personally, that I'm not growing in Christ like I want to, is that I'm not doing what I need to grow.

Sharp iron.

I really see why the Bible says that "iron sharpeneth iron." A godly roommate is one of the best, most engouraging blessings someone in my position can have.

Right now, I feel like God's telling me to do something, but I don't know what it is. I feel like He's telling me to stop doing one thing, and replace it with another thing.

The only problem with this is that I don't know what I'm supposed to stop doing, and what I'm supposed to start doing.

I'm not complaning, because I haven't felt God move in my life like this in a long time. Right now, I can feel God working more than this summer, at the missions conference, or anytime I can remember really.

I'm so grateful that God is working in my life, even though I might not understand it totally.

Pray for sensitivity to the Spirit in my life, please.

Bonus blog.

http://visionbaptist.com/blog/2009/09/28/world-evangelism-today-with-matt-allen-1/

That's an interview with a missionary to literally the corner of the world. It's worth checking out.

Time's up. Turn in your test.

I Corinthians 2:2 is a beautiful verse. It shows the dedication of Paul, and what it really means to be a missionary.

Paul says, "For I determined not to know anything among you, save Jesus Christ, and him crucified."

He decided that he wasn't going to take any substitutes for Jesus, (false doctrine, bloodless gospels etc etc....) nor was he going to occupy his time with anything other than Christ Jesus.

How much time do I waste thinking about things other than Christ? How often do I slightly alter what the Bible really says in order to make myself feel OK about my sin? How often should I be spreading the word of God, and instead talk about something else?

Paul is one of my favourite Bible characters. I mean, despite the fact that he wasn't good looking, a good speaker, married, and had a thorn in the flesh (we see all this in scripture) he still managed to get the gospel to all of Asia Minor (which I've researched to be about 9million people. I might be wrong, though).

He said, "Hey, guys, forget all those cool toys we have. Forget what we want to do. Forget our sin and flesh. Let's go tell the world the good news of Christ Jesus."

Not many decided to follow him.

"Fine! You guys go waste your life. I'm going to go spread the news of Jesus Christ!"

He didn't waste time on stupid things, much as I do today.

It's funny how I can remember lyrics to a worldly song I haven't listened to in years, but I struggle to remember the scriptures. It's funny how I update my facebook status more than my spiritual status. It's funny how I'm a Christian, yet I don't spend enough time with Christ.

God has grabbed a hold of my heart lately, and is really opening my eyes to all the stuff that I need to change in my life. I'm not complaining, because I'll stay a lukewarm Christian if my eyes aren't open.

The other night, God was doing something in my heart. I blogged about it. I literally could NOT focus on anything. Nothing. I couldn't sleep, eat, drink, nothing.

I went for a drive, and just spent a few hours talking to God.

"God, I can feel that you're doing something here, but I can't quite determine what it is. You're saying something to me, but all I can hear is noise! I want to do what you're saying, God, but I can't understand it!"

I spent almost three hours like that, both driving and walking around all of the city of Frederick, MD. In that time, God really showed me some things.

The most haunting, most powerful thing of them all, though, was North Market Street. I didn't mean to end up there; I just did.

North Market Street is the heart and soul of downtown Frederick. Everything's on that street.

That would include Café Nola. I used to go there once a month, on the first Friday of every month. The café was changed from café to club that night, and all kinds of evil actions took place.

I can't count how many times I've staggered out of there, having to have someone hold me up, and lead me back to a car so I could be driven home. Shame on me.

I realized, as I drove past the establishment, that I had wasted tons of time there. Ages. Eons! Assuming I went ever month, for a year (even though I'm sure I went more than that) from 10pm to 2am (which was my usual schedule) I wasted AT LEAST 48 hours dancing like a drunken idiot.

Two whole days spent. Gone. Never to come back. I wasted two whole days of my life (and that's just time in there, not driving there and back) because I was knowing other things.

I was knowing the world.
I was knowing sin.
I was knowing why the Bible says wine is a mocker.
And I wasted my life away by knowing them.

I don't walk that road any more, praise the Lord, but I still waste time. Only now, I'm not as aware of it, because it isn't as obvious

I'll get up in the morning, and maybe I'll hit my snooze button a few times. 20 minutes I could be spending in God's word, or in prayer, and I'm sleeping in.

I'll sit down to read a book, or type up a blog, and waste an hour looking up soccer scores or on facebook.

I'll start with good intentions, and waste them away without even realizing it.

God was telling me, as I spent time in Maryland, and still even today, that there is no time to waste. My life is even as a vapour (James 4:14).

There is a world, on its way to hell, and I want to sleep in, or check out what someone wrote on his or her facebook status. I'm too busy checking scores of some game to be spending time with God.

For I determined not to know any thing among you, save Jesus Christ, and him crucified.
I need to change the things I know.

Eaten alive.

Something is eating at me. It’s sitting inside my chest, and I can’t stop feeling it. It’s just sitting in there, and I don’t know what it is.

Since I’ve returned to Maryland, something ahs…violated, or bothered my spirit. I feel like I have an important assignment due for school, and I haven’t done it, and it’s due tomorrow. I have this insatiable tension on my heart right now, and I cannot figure out what it is.

I feel like I should be doing something, and I’m just sitting here. It’s 8:45 at night, but I still feel like I should be somewhere. I feel like I’m missing someone, or I’m missing something.
I feel incomplete right now.

I’m not sure if God is trying to show me something, or what it is, but I really cannot lose this spirit of unrest right now. I’ve prayed about it, and read the Bible over it, but something is wrong. I just don’t feel right.

I felt it almost as soon as I got back to Maryland. It’s like a hole in my chest. I know I’m rambling, and you’re probably not even reading at this point because I sound totally insane, but something just isn’t right. I can’t describe it other than I feel like I should be doing something, but I don’t know what it is.

It’s driving me crazy. It’s driving me insane.

I loved preaching today. I love preaching. I can’t wait till I get to do it again. (I’ll blog about that later)

In the meantime, something feels wrong.