What scares me...

To be quite honest with you, I’m not really scared of that many things. When you boil it down to the very crux of it all, I really only fear (other than the Lord, but that’s another blog for another day) one thing.
Are there times that I get scared of something, or have fear in me? Yes. However, I’m talking about a fear that is there day in and day out, one that never ceases to be in me.
I am scared, above all other things, that my ministry for God won’t be as good, or as great as I want it to be. I’m scared I’ll get to Spain, and have no converts. That I’ll only start one church, and be there forever because no one will grow enough to take my place so I can go start another one. I’m scared that I’ll be a lazy missionary, and that I won’t do enough work for God here on earth. I’m scared I won’t ever start a lot of Bible preaching churches, or spread God’s word to one of the most un-evangelized countries in all the world (That’s Spain, in case you didn’t know).
I look at the things people around me have done, and I really stand in awe of what they’ve done. So and so was a missionary to this place for 30 years. This guy led 500 men to Christ through his ministry. This guy has preached in over 50 different countries.
But, like someone said, it wasn’t that person who did it. It was God who did it through that person.
My whole problem is my pride. Well, not my whole problem, but a large part of it is pride and arrogance. I want a big ministry, lots of converts and all that because I want to look good. I putt glorifying God as my number two objective, and my own glory first.
Also, I rely too much on myself, and not enough on God. Nehemiah 6:16 says, “And it came to pass, that when all our enemies heard thereof, and all the heathen that were about us saw these things, they were much cast down in their own eyes: for they perceived that this work was wrought of our God”
It was God who did the work in those people I look up to. It was God who
Nehemiah also writes, “And it came to pass, when our enemies heard that it was known unto us, and God had brought their counsel to nought, that we returned all of us to the wall, every one unto his work.”
It wasn’t like Nehemiah said, “Hey, guys, get your weapons together, and we’re gonna go destroy the enemy! US! WE! NOSOTROS! NOUS! YOU AND I!” (And that’s what I often do: rely on my own strength)
Right now, I’m working on trusting God, and leaving the result to Him. I like to think I’m helping by doing something I shouldn’t (in an attempt to help God…like He needs it) and really just worry and stress myself out.
Additionally, I’m working on glorifying God my number one priority, and putting it above my own glory, because the Bible makes it pretty simple in Matthew 6:1-6how we should do things (as far as seeking glory)
AndIalsogotaskedtogobackhometomyoldchurchandpreach, whichIreallywantedtodo, soI’mreallyexcitedaboutthat.