I feel kinda small. Like, being tall really puts a weight on my shoulders. And I can’t explain it, but I feel that because I’m so tall, physically, I have to do tall acts spiritually.
And maybe I do. And I really think I do, because I’ve been stuck in a quagmire of mediocrity lately, and the Holy Spirit has been pricking my heart over it. And the thing that frustrates me the most is that I don’t know what to do. I try to wake up earlier so I can study and read the Bible more, but that just makes me more tired, and I don’t even study, really. I just stare at a my Bible and wish I was asleep.
And the harder I try to fight it, the deeper I sink. And I don’t want to be there, in mediocrity, but I keep trying to escape, with no avail.
I’m writing this during class. It doesn’t matter, though. Trent won’t read this. Plus, I’m having a really difficult time focusing on spiritual things lately.
I want to serve God, and I want to do what He wants me to do, and I want to do mighty things so He may be glorified, but I can’t even do the basic things.
And Kevin Hall is a really good guy. I really wish I could speak Xhosa, so that I could actually do something if I visited him in South Africa. Maybe I’m quenching the Spirit by saying this, but if I visit a missionary, I want to be able to speak the language. That means I can only got visit people in English, Spanish and French speaking countries. Xhosa isn’t even close to those. If I went to visit him, he’d be about the only person I could talk to, and he’s already accepted Christ.
Whatever.
I’m rambling, and not making any sense, but I really want to escape this “comfortable Christianity” funk I’m in. I’m praying for God to either rebuke me, give me a sorrow for my mediocrity (like in Psalms 6) or just to do something to get a hold of my heart. I don’t want to be a mediocre person, but I am. And that’s not giving enough glory to God. Blah.
--Pray for Spain. Pray that the Lord would raise up missionaries and native Spaniards to take the gospel to the millions of lost souls in Spain.--
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Kyle The bible says that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. He made you that height for a reason. That does not mean you add to your stature and be spiritually tall. You have to allow God to make you tall in spirit. As far as your spiritual mediocracy I seem to see a sense of pride I have not read before. You need to have a language to go visit this friend, you need to get up early you need to reach new heights...... I think you are way ahead of God and he is trying to slow you down to be on his page. We cant do more till what we have already started has been completed. Is there an area you know in your life you are trying to move on from that God has not finished yet in? something to think about. Hope you dont mind the counsel even though not your pastor any longer if you do let me know thanks
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