I have a lot to say, and I'm not really sure how to say it.
When I was little, my dad used to do this thing where he would grab my hand and punch me with my own hand. He would tell me to stop hitting myself, and I would always tell him that it wasn't me. Of course, we were just joking, and my dad would never seriously hit me.
For a long time, and it stops today, I've been spiritually punching myself in the face. Well, in truth, it's worse than that, but the idea is the same. I was always trying to live up to some standard, and all these other things to make God love me. But here's the truth:
God loves me as I am.
I don't have to be this perfect guy who never makes any mistakes, and who never does anything wrong. Granted, I shouldn't live in sin so that grace may abound, but God loves me even if I do sin.
And it doesn't matter how "big" the sin is; God love me no matter what.
And, looking back, I kinda feel a bit goofy, and have to chuckle at myself. I mean, I always thought I had to reach this super-duper high standard for God to love me. And it's good to have goals, but God loves me with goals, the same as he loves me without goals. And nothing I can do will ever change that.
I'm a born again Christian. I'm a saint, a price of God.
And I've had this attitude of, "Yeah...I'm saved...but that's it. God doesn't love me past salvation."
But some people who really care for me decided to help me, because they love me, and take some time aside to help me, and to show me how much the Lord really does love me.
In fact, He loves me so much that I can't know the full breadth, or depth, or width of His love.
Seriously, I have to look back, bury my face in my palm for a minute, shake my head, and laugh a little bit. I almost feel like the man who starves to death in a grocery store. I was working so hard to try to make God love me more, and I was making myself miserable. And no matter how hard I don't work, or how hard I work, God still loves me the same.
For the last three weeks or so, I've been extremely tired all the time. And it's not because I'm not eating right, or getting enough sleep, or anything like that. I've been so mentally worn down that I, at times, have had trouble finishing a full sentence. I've been so exhausted in my brain that no matter how much calcium I get, my bones were hurting. And no matter how much sleep I got, my eyes were drooping.
And it was all over stress. Stress, and pain I was self inflicting, and all this other dumb stuff I was doing. But the thing is that no matter how much I work it won't ever make me any more loved by God.
And maybe I keep repeating that same point, but I never really understood how much God loves me. I've always been afraid to step out of line for too long, because I thought God would rail me into the ground, and tear my guts out. I've always seen Him as angry...and yeah He loves me....but He also gets a kick out of punishing me as well.
But He loves me. And I might get a slap on the wrist, or a mean glare, but that's it. God isn't going to tear my face off if I don't read 10 chapters a day. He won't tear my face off if I don't read at all. He loves me, and I am the praise to His glory. And that's amazing.
My whole life, I've always felt like I'm not quite good enough. I always could have been a second faster, or jumped an inch higher, or this or that. But God says, "Hey, I love you like you are. You don't have to change one bit, and I'll love you all the same."
And for the first time in almost a month (though I'm sure it's longer than that) I have this enormous weight lifted off my chest. I've always had the though "Life goes on...because it HAS to" on my mind. But all of a sudden, I think, "Life goes on...let it! God loves me! Amen!"
And I just feel totally free from all this stress, and pressure, and I feel relaxed, and peace. It's amazing.
I'm probably rambling, but whatever. I just feel so much better to know that I'm loved, no matter what.
--Pray for Spain. Pray that the Lord would raise up missionaries and native Spaniards to take the gospel to the millions of lost souls in Spain.--
When I was little, my dad used to do this thing where he would grab my hand and punch me with my own hand. He would tell me to stop hitting myself, and I would always tell him that it wasn't me. Of course, we were just joking, and my dad would never seriously hit me.
For a long time, and it stops today, I've been spiritually punching myself in the face. Well, in truth, it's worse than that, but the idea is the same. I was always trying to live up to some standard, and all these other things to make God love me. But here's the truth:
God loves me as I am.
I don't have to be this perfect guy who never makes any mistakes, and who never does anything wrong. Granted, I shouldn't live in sin so that grace may abound, but God loves me even if I do sin.
And it doesn't matter how "big" the sin is; God love me no matter what.
And, looking back, I kinda feel a bit goofy, and have to chuckle at myself. I mean, I always thought I had to reach this super-duper high standard for God to love me. And it's good to have goals, but God loves me with goals, the same as he loves me without goals. And nothing I can do will ever change that.
I'm a born again Christian. I'm a saint, a price of God.
And I've had this attitude of, "Yeah...I'm saved...but that's it. God doesn't love me past salvation."
But some people who really care for me decided to help me, because they love me, and take some time aside to help me, and to show me how much the Lord really does love me.
In fact, He loves me so much that I can't know the full breadth, or depth, or width of His love.
Seriously, I have to look back, bury my face in my palm for a minute, shake my head, and laugh a little bit. I almost feel like the man who starves to death in a grocery store. I was working so hard to try to make God love me more, and I was making myself miserable. And no matter how hard I don't work, or how hard I work, God still loves me the same.
For the last three weeks or so, I've been extremely tired all the time. And it's not because I'm not eating right, or getting enough sleep, or anything like that. I've been so mentally worn down that I, at times, have had trouble finishing a full sentence. I've been so exhausted in my brain that no matter how much calcium I get, my bones were hurting. And no matter how much sleep I got, my eyes were drooping.
And it was all over stress. Stress, and pain I was self inflicting, and all this other dumb stuff I was doing. But the thing is that no matter how much I work it won't ever make me any more loved by God.
And maybe I keep repeating that same point, but I never really understood how much God loves me. I've always been afraid to step out of line for too long, because I thought God would rail me into the ground, and tear my guts out. I've always seen Him as angry...and yeah He loves me....but He also gets a kick out of punishing me as well.
But He loves me. And I might get a slap on the wrist, or a mean glare, but that's it. God isn't going to tear my face off if I don't read 10 chapters a day. He won't tear my face off if I don't read at all. He loves me, and I am the praise to His glory. And that's amazing.
My whole life, I've always felt like I'm not quite good enough. I always could have been a second faster, or jumped an inch higher, or this or that. But God says, "Hey, I love you like you are. You don't have to change one bit, and I'll love you all the same."
And for the first time in almost a month (though I'm sure it's longer than that) I have this enormous weight lifted off my chest. I've always had the though "Life goes on...because it HAS to" on my mind. But all of a sudden, I think, "Life goes on...let it! God loves me! Amen!"
And I just feel totally free from all this stress, and pressure, and I feel relaxed, and peace. It's amazing.
I'm probably rambling, but whatever. I just feel so much better to know that I'm loved, no matter what.
--Pray for Spain. Pray that the Lord would raise up missionaries and native Spaniards to take the gospel to the millions of lost souls in Spain.--
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